As there are two sides of a coin, we as well have two sides; There is the side and traits that we’re proud of, and then there is the side that we don’t feel so good about. Some of the traits from our “bad” side may trigger or embarrass us, so we result to hide them from public view. These parts make up what we call your shadow self, and it longs to be heard.
However, it’s not always easy to come to terms with our shadow selves. Many people tend to repress those hidden parts of themselves to avoid having to confront that darker side. Even though the shadow still exists, it gets pushed back and forgotten.
Heres the thing, repressing your inner shadow can have dangerous consequences. Most often, the shadow manifests as our triggers — emotional reactions and unconscious behaviours that we haven’t fully dealt with (also known as the pain body by Eckhart Tolle), that bubble up to the surface under the right (wrong) circumstances.
To put it in simple words: There is a dark side inside of you that’s living its own life and when you poke the bear, it acts out and takes control of you.
It takes training, self-awareness, guidance, and courage to help you face your shadow self in a healthy way. This is exactly why shadow work exists. Shadow work is designed to help you integrate and accept every single part of yourself so that you can live and thrive with more clarity and authenticity. As I always tell my clients, the world needs you and your authentic self and unique gifts.
What is Shadow Work?
It means to be working with your unconscious mind to uncover the parts of yourself that you repress and hide. This can include trauma or parts of your personality that you subconsciously consider undesirable. Anyone can do shadow work on their own. However, consider seeking out a professional for treatment, especially if you struggle with severe trauma.
Your shadow isn’t a flaw or a mistake — instead, it’s a natural part of who you are.
From my own work, I have come to understand that the parts of myself that I feel the most shame over is the ones that I need to express and show to be able to access healing. Shadow work is about developing self-awareness, self-acceptance and compassion. It is about embracing all that is you, and resolve to heal and transform what doesn’t serve you anymore. By accepting your shadow self, you can start to see how your thoughts and emotions influence your behavior. When you’re aware of this, you can take control and empower yourself to live life more deliberately and consciously. You can start to show up as your authentic self.
Benefits of Shadow Work
Benefits of shadow work can include:
- feeling whole or integrated as a person
- improved interactions with others
- healing generational trauma
- learning healthy ways to meet your needs
Manifestations of Shadow Repression
Keeping your shadow hidden is a form of repression. Its like sort of recognising that you are having an issue but not allowing yourself to deal with it.
Some examples of manifestations of a repressed shadow:
- self-soothe with drugs or alcohol
- talk negatively about themselves
- experience stress
- experience mental health difficulties, like depression, anxiety, fear of intimacy
- Irrational fears in life
How to Work with Your Shadow Side
The What I judge in others, I judge in myself technique
A good place to start with shadow work would be to think of someone who bothers you, and reflect on what it is about that person that might also be within you. Ask yourself questions such as:
- What is it about this person that I don’t like?
- Do I find that I have some of those same traits sometimes?
- What makes it so difficult to be around them?
- What parts of me does that person enliven when I’m around them? And how do I feel about that part of myself?
Examine your family tree.
A lot of our behaviours and thought patters are inherited from our parents and family line. Make a family tree of your two sets of grandparents, all of your aunts and uncles, and your parents a.k.a your family tree. This practice is all about getting honest enough to see things like for example, “I love my family, but one of my uncles drinks too much”.
Really look at all those qualities that exist within your family, and ask if any of those things are in you. Give thanks for the good, and start reflecting over that doesn’t serve you anymore and how you can accept, embrace and find a better way to meet that need.
Confront your shadow.
Another exercise involves meditating on, and confronting, your own shadow. Once you’ve got a somewhat clear view of the aspects of your shadow self, you can begin the work of confronting and releasing them with positive affirmations such as:
- I allow the darkest shadow that’s buried within me to be released.
- I release fear; I release doubt; I release shame; I release insecurity.
Write it out
- List your shadow parts. Without judgement, list some of your potential shadow traits, such as aggression, selfishness, or cowardice. Consider how these traits correlates to your actions, reactions, and values. If you’re having trouble identifying your shadow, go back to the what I judge in others I judge in myself technique.
- Journal. Keeping a journal of your different emotional responses in life can help you pinpoint some fo your shadow traits by increasing your self awareness.
Art therapy
Carl Jung spoke a lot about the importance of creativity in connecting with all the parts of your self, including your shadow. You can express yourself artistically in whatever way works best for you. I have painted several paintings about traumatic events in my life, and have found it both extremely healing and informative.
To sum it up: Shadow work is about becoming brutally honest with yourself to be able to look at all the parts of yourself — especially the ones you’re uncomfortable with. Remember that the shadow is a part of you, whether you like it or not. You may as well learn to accept and embrace it instead of letting it dictate your life.
Do you feel like you need some support in the deep dive into your own dark corners? Send me an email to set up a discovery call, I would love to be there and help you along your way.
